Relationship Magic for Couples
Crack the Code on
What “Makes or Breaks”
YOUR Romantic Relationship!
Frequently Asked Questions
This was originally written related to the Relationship Magic product, but most of it applies in general to relationship issues, so you will find it useful reading with or without the product.
Q: How much time does it take?
A: This information is also on the single page graphic that refers to the “three steps”. Step 1 will take 2 to 3 hours, a little more if you’re a deep or detailed thinker. Step 2 will take less than an hour, including reading your results. Step 3 has 2 parts: individual preparation and the dialogue with your partner. The time required for this step can vary widely, depending on your current relationship situation and your communication styles. You should expect a minimum of 6 to 8 hours for both parts of step 3. Each part can easily be completed in stages.
Q: What do we have to do before hand?
A: The process includes very detailed instructions for how to prepare for your conversation with your partner. The first time you go through the process, it is best if you do all the steps in order. Later, when you use what you’ve learned, you’ll most likely go back to the Conflict Resolution guide and the Step 3 Dialogue process and use them on an ongoing basis.
Q: What are the best conditions under which to go through this process?
A: Ideally when you have ample time and privacy and both partners are rested and in good health. It’s also best not to attempt this if you’re in the middle of some life crisis, unrelated to your relationship, which is consuming a lot of your time and energy, for instance a life threatening illness in your extended family.
Q: How will we know that we’ve made progress?
A: First, you’ll notice it in the difference in your day-to-day interaction and, second, you’re welcome to retake the survey you did in Step 2. Just use the same link as you did before. It will have been in your purchase confirmation email.
Q: What if my partner won’t agree to work on our relationship with me?
A: Depending on your situation and commitment level to the relationship, you will first want to consider why your partner won’t agree to work on the relationship and what that means to you.
Assuming that you decide to remain in the relationship, then the Relationship Magic information, tools and processes will help you to understand, change and manage your own behavior in a healthier way. In any partnership or equation, when one side changes the other side is affected. Change yourself and you may be surprised at how your partner responds and what your partner becomes willing to look at.
Q: What do I do if my partner thinks there is nothing wrong, or blames me for everything he or she feels is wrong?
A: See answer just above.
Q: How can I be sure this will work?
A: Every situation is different and you can’t know with certainty going in what the outcome will be. You do know that if you do nothing, then nothing will change. What is sure that you will know more at the end than you did at the beginning of the process.
Q: If this doesn’t work, what are my options?
A: You most likely will still have most, if not all, of the options you did to begin with, but now because you have a better understanding of yourself and the dynamics in your relationship you will be better equipped to make a healthy decision for yourself than you were before. You will also want to consider why it didn’t work. If it’s lack of application and your partner is willing, then try again, this time not skipping or skimping on any of the steps. If it’s some other factor, you may want to try getting help from a third party who can facilitate your interaction with your partner. Or, you may have come to the realization that the relationship is over. When there is strong mutual commitment by the partners, most relationships can be brought around. Don’t give up too soon if the relationship is really important to both partners.
Q: What if I don’t trust my partner? Is this still useful then?
A: Yes, absolutely. If you and your partner are willing, then going through this process will help you surface and heal the issues that led to the loss of trust.
Q: What if we start the process and it breaks down and one of us refuses to continue? Will that be harmful?
A: It will further affect how the partners feel about each other and that can add to the difficulty in the relationship. See all of the Q &A above for some more perspective on related issues. There are no guarantees in life or relationships. The alternative is to do nothing and remain where you are. Only you can weigh the pain you’re in against any possible negative outcomes and decide if it’s worth the risk. In general, making no changes to a bad situation because something undesirable may happen is not the best choice.
Q: Is this process useful if the main issue is conflict?
A: Absolutely. There is a wealth of information and help about conflict and the process itself will guide you to surface and work through issues that are producing conflict.
Q: What should we do if we have a big blow up?
A: Agree to a “cooling off” period. If you haven’t been through the process before, then each read the Secrets to Healthy, Successful Conflict Resolution, use the guidelines in Step 3, but focus just on this issue to prepare for a conversation with your partner about it.
Q: Is this process useful if the main issue is not conflict?
A: Yes, again absolutely. There is also a wealth of help for improving your relationship with your partner even if things are going well or at least, no conflict is present.
Q: What types of conflict is this process best for?
A: It doesn’t matter what “type” of conflict it is. The fundamentals in conflict resolution are to get to the heart of the matter, the root cause of it and then come to some agreement satisfactory to both parties about it. This is true whether the issue is money or sex or time together or politics or a third party interfering or intense stress, or parenting, or any of the other things that tend to cause conflict in a relationship.
Q: What are the warning signs that we should look for that let us know we have a conflict?
A: Other than obvious conflicts like shouting at one another or other overt signs of a fight, there are many subtle indicators. Refer to the Secrets to Healthy, Successful Conflict Resolution guide, which points out many of the behaviors that tend to crop up when a subtle fight is on in the discussion on tip number 10. Some are if there is an undercurrent of tension, if you or your partner feels “bristly” when you’re around the other, if you withdraw or get patronizing or take “cheap shots” or get aggressive about your point of view. These are all indicators of an unresolved conflict.
Q: Is the goal never to have conflict?
A: No, disagreements are natural. The key is to not have differences or hurt feelings disintegrate into harming the relationship because the issue is not addressed in a healthy way. The key is to not have unresolved conflict.
Q: What if one of us has a serious, long-term, unresolved alcohol, drug or other addiction problem that has been significantly affecting the relationship?
A: The dynamics of addiction will interfere with resolving relationship issues. The process can still be helpful, but it’s more likely you’ll run into a snag. This is a situation in which a third party facilitator is helpful. And, of course, it’s very important that the partner with the addiction be actively getting help to deal with that. If your partner refuses to get help and it’s creating serious problems in the relationship, or if you have children, in the family, then you have to decide if you’ll stay in the relationship if nothing changes or it gets worse. If you’re in this situation, talk to a counselor specializing in that addiction to explore if you’re enabling your partner in his or her addiction.
Q: What if my partner has hot temper and we can’t get through a conversation about our relationship without things blowing up?
A: This is another situation where getting professional third party help to facilitate the conversation is a good idea. If your partner won’t talk calmly and won’t agree to get help, then you can work through the process yourself as much as possible. Make changes in yourself and see what changes that causes in your partner. If ultimately things don’t get better, then you have to evaluate staying in the relationship.
The author, Marie J. Kane, and publisher of this Program and the accompanying materials have used their best efforts in preparing this Program. The author and publisher make no representation or warranties with respect to the accuracy, applicability, fitness, or completeness of the contents of this Program. The information contained in this Program is strictly for educational purposes. Therefore, if you wish to apply ideas contained in this Program, you are taking full responsibility for your actions.
The author and publisher disclaim any warranties (express or implied), merchantability, or fitness for any particular purpose. The author and publisher shall in no event be held liable to any party for any direct, indirect, punitive, special, incidental or other consequential damages arising directly or indirectly from any use of this material, which is provided as is, and without warranties. As always, the advice of a competent professional should be sought.
The author and publisher do not warrant the performance, effectiveness or applicability of any sites listed or linked to in this Program. All links are for information purposes only and are not warranted for content, accuracy or any other implied or explicit purpose. This Program is copyrighted by Relationship Magic Now, L.L.C., 2013, and is protected under the US Copyright Act of 1976 and all other applicable international, federal, state and local laws, with ALL rights reserved. No part of this may be copied, or changed in any format, sold, or used in any way other than what is outlined within this Program under any circumstances without express permission from Relationship Magic Now, L.L.C. For support go to the website at www.RelationshipMagicforCouples.com and click the “Support” button at the bottom of the page.