What to do when you have a break down in the relationship

Many people, when they’re involved in a conflict, are focused on getting away from the pain of the situation.  They’re focused on  “Let’s make this stop. Let’s make this feeling we’re having and this event that we’re having stop because it’s too painful or unpleasant.”  As soon as that’s done, they’re dusting their hands off and going “Okay, yay, we’re done and we can move on.”  BUT, that leaves the underlying causes unresolved.   If you delve into it further, breakdowns are an opportunity for breakthroughs.

When there is a breakdown in the relationship, if we ask “What’s the foundation for this? Where is this coming from? What’s driving the feelings?” then we can begin to address the cause. We can acknowledge what we’re really upset about if it’s different or in addition to what was obvious. Now we have a chance to talk about what’s going on and discover what unacknowledged or unresolved hurt or anger is driving the interaction.  We can make agreements about what we’re going to do if this happens again around the same issue.

As a result, we’ve improved the quality of our relationship and we’ve built a stronger foundation. The likelihood that things are going to come up again around that particular root cause is much lessened. When it does, we’re going to be much more able to handle it effectively.

Posted on December 1, 2013 by Marie Kane 0 Comments Short URL


Is your relationship with your spouse or significant other as rich and rewarding as you want it to be?  Do you experience unresolved hurts or anger and aren’t sure what to do about it?  Are you wondering how to change things for the better?

To help you get started, check out the no-cost resources on the right: a mini-quiz on the health of your relationship and weekly tips on ways to improve your relationship. The mini-quiz is very short and helps you uncover areas in your relationship that need attention or strengths you can build on. You get your results promptly via email. The weekly tips are short, actionable suggestions, delivered via email each week, about issues that couples commonly need or want to address.

I believe that when we take personal responsibility and make it our priority to create and nurture loving, healthy, fulfilling, mutually beneficial relationships in every part of our lives, then we bestow on the world and ourselves a gift of incredible positive impact. This has the power to change the course of history, of our lives, of the very fabric of our being. What are we waiting for?

I’m committed to helping women and men build genuine, loving connections within their relationships in a way that fulfills all parties, while creating ripples of love for a more positive world.

With love,
Marie Kane

Posted on November 2, 2013 by Marie Kane 0 Comments Short URL